11. Clerks III (September 13)

Directed by: Kevin Smith
Famous people involved: Ben Affleck, Rosario Dawson, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Justin Long, Fred Armisen, and ya know, the people from prior Clerks movies.
One sentence summary: The people from Clerks decide to make a movie that is essentially Clerks.
Where you can watch it: Theaters, but also doing a weird one week only thing via Fathom Events.
Do I give a shit?: I’ve still never felt compelled to see either of the first Clerks movies in all these years and this didn’t really change my mind.

14. See How They Run (September 16)

Directed by: Tom George
Famous people involved: Saoirse Ronan, Sam Rockwell, Adrien Brody, and David Oyelowo 
One sentence summary: It’s like if Wes Anderson did an Agatha Christie adaptation, even though neither Anderson nor Christie is involved in this.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: It looks like a fun time, and it’ll be nice to see Saoirse in a more comedic role.

15. The Silent Twins (September 16)

Directed by: Agnieszka Smoczynska
Famous people involved: Jodhi May and Letitia Wright
One sentence summary: A set of twins is institutionalized, and I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that in the end we’ll learn they didn’t deserve to be.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: Could be interesting, but I can’t say I’m sold on the trailer alone. More of a “wait and see what kind of buzz it gets, then I’ll decide.”

17. Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (September 19)

Directed by: Timo Vuorensola
Famous people involved: n/a
One sentence summary: Some teenagers that are likely stupid and not terribly likable try to avoid getting murdered by a monster.
Where you can watch it: Theaters, but AGAIN with the Fathom Events rather than a regular theatrical run. Is this just at thing now? Anyways, see it the 19th, 20th, or 21st.
Do I give a shit?: I don’t usually give a shit about horror movies… and trailers like this are the reason why.

18. Don’t Worry Darling (September 23)

Directed by: Olivia Wilde
Famous people involved: Florence Pugh, Harry Styles, Chris Pine, Nick Kroll, and Olivia Wilde as an actress as well as director
One sentence summary: A young attractive couple in the mid-20th century gets involved with some “Victory Project” that our leading lady is suspicious of.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: I enjoyed Wilde’s directorial debut Booksmart and it’s intriguing to me that she’s following that teen comedy up with some kind of mystery box period piece. Florence Pugh in the leading role certainly ups the odds of this being good, and I’m also curious to see Harry Styles in a role that asks a bit more from him than Dunkirk did.

19. Blonde (September 28)

Directed by: Andrew Dominik
Famous people involved: Ana de Armas, Bobby Cannavale, Sara Paxton, and Adrien Brody
One sentence summary: A Marilyn Monroe biopic that is either a) artsy and experimental or b) pretty basic, but using B&W to try and trick us into thinking it’s artsy and experimental.
Where you can watch it: Netflix
Do I give a shit?: Yes! Ana De Armas is one of the more exciting actresses to burst on the scene in the last few years, and I’m curious to see what she can do with a character as complex as Marilyn.

20. The Munsters (September 27)

Directed by: Rob Zombie
Famous people involved: Jorge Garcia (Hurley from Lost) and Cassandra Peterson a.k.a. Elvira
One sentence summary: I’m mildly convinced this is an extended commercial for Party City Halloween costumes rather than a movie trailer.
Where you can watch it: Theaters, allegedly.
Do I give a shit?: Could be a fun time if/when it becomes streamable, but nothing I’m going out of my way to see in a theater.

21. Bros (September 30)

Directed by: Nicholas Stoller
Famous people involved: Billy Eichner, Kristin Chenoweth, Debra Messing, Harvey Fierstein, and Bowen Yang
One sentence summary: A gay guy who’s content being alone falls for the “gay Tom Brady” and awkward, but funny courtship hijinks ensue.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: This might be crazy, but this is probably in my top 5 movies I’m most excited about for the rest of th year. I love a good romcom, and Hollywood doesn’t make enough of them anymore. Also excited at the possibility of Billy Eichner getting to be the proper comedy star he deserves to be. This also opens Sept. 30 when theaters sometimes get overrun with horror stuff and this should be a nice counterpoint to that.

22. God’s Creatures (September 30)

Directed by: Saela Davis and Anna Rose Holmer
Famous people involved: Emily Waston, Paul Mescal, possibly some others that I haven’t heard of but are more famous ‘cross the pond.
One sentence summary: Suspense, cinematography, and Irish accents!
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: It is A24, but the trailer was almost too vague. It’ll depend on the buzz it gets after release.

23. Hocus Pocus 2 (September 30)

Directed by: Anne Fletcher
Famous people involved: Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, and Tony Hale
One sentence summary: The Sanderson sisters come back to I dunno, do more witch stuff I guess.
Where you can watch it: Disney+
Do I give a shit?: Love the original, and I probably would have paid money to see this in a theater. It is a nice excuse to justify my Disney+ subscription though.

24. Smile (September 30)

Directed by: Parker Finn
Famous people involved: Kal Penn (Kumar of Harold and Kumar fame)
One sentence summary: A therapist watches one of her patients die and deals with the trauma.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: No. I’m sure this someone’s cup of tea… just not mine.

25. The Greatest Beer Run Ever (September 30)

Directed by: Peter Farrelly, the dude who directed Green Book as well as some other comedies you’ve heard of that I don’t have room to list here.
Famous people involved: Zac Efron, Russell Crowe, and Bill Murray
One sentence summary: Zack Efron goes over to Vietnam in the middle of the Vietnam War to bring soldiers some beer.
Where you can watch it: In theaters (maybe) or on Apple TV+
Do I give a shit?: I might stream it, as it does look like it’s capable of entertaining me for two-ish yours. However, it already feels less like a movie and more like a Pabst Blue Ribbon Super Bowl that got way out of hand.

26. Amsterdam (October 7)

Directed by: David O. Russell
Famous people involved: Margot Robbie, Zoe Saldana, Chris Rock, Michael Shannon, Christian Bale, Anya Taylor-Joy, Rami Malek, Robert De Niro, Timohy Olyphant, Mike Myers, John David Washington, Andrea Riseborough, Taylor Swift. Also apparently Drake is an executive producer?
One sentence summary: Some people are falsely accusing of killing a guy and so they go to Amsterdam for reasons that aren’t entirely clear.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: Yes, but less out of a genuine “I care what happens in this story” way and more in a “everyone in the film community is going to see this and have opinions about it, and I’d hate to feel left out” way.

27. Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (October 7)

Directed by: Josh Gordon and Will Speck
Famous people involved: Javier Bardem, Constance Wu, and Shawn Mendes
One sentence summary: A family moves into a new place only to learn its inhabited by a singing crocodile and then the landlord shrugs and goes “yeah, there’s a singing crocodile, just deal with it, okay?”
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: No, but I’m also not the target market for this.

28. Triangle of Sadness (October 7)

Directed by: Ruben Östlund
Famous people involved: Woody Harrelson
One sentence summary: A prestige Below Deck that turns into prestige Lost.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: I knew virtually nothing about this project before putting the trailer on and it looks right up my alley. Comedic, but with peril, adventure, and social commentary. Looking forward to it!

29. Tár (October 7)

Directed by: Todd Field
Famous people involved: Cate Blanchett, Mark Strong, and Julian Glover
One sentence summary: Cate Blanchett plays some kind of tortured musical genius.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: Yes, but mostly because Little Gold Men told me it’s going to be an Oscar player. The trailer doesn’t tell you much, but that might be a good thing.

30. Halloween Ends (October 14)

Directed by: David Gordon Green
Famous people involved: Jamie Lee Curtis
One sentence summary: The Halloween saga… ends.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: No, but again. Horror just doesn’t rev my engine the way it does for some people.

31. Till (October 14)

Directed by: Chinonye Chukka
Famous people involved: Whoopi Goldberg
One sentence summary: Emmett Till is lynched, and his mother fights to bring his tragic story to light.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: I’m really, really rooting for this movie. Americans need to know the Emmett Till story, and I’m not sure enough of them do. The trailer does make me worry that it’s going to be an overly conventional based-on-real-history Oscar bait ploy that it as all but forgotten a year from now, but oh how I hope it’s more than that. Definitely want to see it in theaters though.

32. White Bird: A Wonder Story (October 14)

Directed by: Marc Forster, who is apparently the “acclaimed” director of Finding Neverland.
Famous people involved: Helen Mirren and Gillian Anderson
One sentence summary: A school bully sees the error in his ways after Helen Mirren sits him down and says “look kid, this is how the holocaust happened.”
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: I for one am quite particular about what should and shouldn’t be compared to the holocaust. I don’t usually like it when media tries to take complex social issues and systemic evil and boil it down to “well if everyone was just nicer to each other this won’t happen!” Now I can’t say for sure that this movie does that without seeing it, and albeit is it intended for children so some amount of watering down is to be expected. But for me personally it’s just.. no. Just… no.

33. Black Adam (October 21)

Directed by: Jaume Collet-Serra
Famous people involved: Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson, Viola Davis, Noah Centineo, and Pierce Brosnan 
One sentence summary: Yet another superhero I never knew existed suddenly has a big movie with explosions and fights and stuff.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: Nope. I feel like for people who aren’t previously invested in these universes or the comics, these trailers all look the same. It’s the way I assume all Hallmark Christmas movie trailers look the same to straight men.

34. My Policeman (October 21)

Directed by: Michael Grandage
Famous people involved: Harry Styles
One sentence summary: There’s a policeman and he’s… someone’s I guess?
Where you can watch it: Select theaters October 21, will be on Amazon Prime starting November 4.
Do I give a shit?: See my aforementioned comment about wanting to see Harry Styles in something that asks him to do more than Dunkirk did.

35. The Banshees Of Inisherin (October 21)

Directed by: Martin McDonagh, the dude who made In Bruges and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.
Famous people involved: Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson
One sentence summary: A dude dumps his best friend in a movie featuring more cinematography and more Irish accents.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: This one looks intriguing. It appears to be about two straight men in a platonic friendship who go through a “break up” which is a simple, yet original premise.

36. Ticket to Paradise (October 21)

Directed by: Ol Parker
Famous people involved: Julia Roberts, George Clooney, and Kaitlyn Dever
One sentence summary: A divorced couple believes their daughter is rushing into an impulsive marriage so they put aside their differences and conspire to sabotage the wedding.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: This seems like the kind of movie we’ve been complaining Hollywood doesn’t make anymore. A fun, adult comedy anchored by two classically charismatic movie stars without being too raunchy.

37. Prey for the Devil (October 28)

Directed by: Daniel Stamm
Famous people involved: n/a
One sentence summary: The Exorcist… but make it #GIRLBOSS!
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: No, but mad props on that punny title!

38. Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (November 4)

Directed by: Eric Appel
Famous people involved: Daniel Radcliffe, Evan Rachel Wood, Thomas Lennon, Rainn Wilson, Quinta Brunson, Will Forte, the actual Weird Al
One sentence summary: The title tells you everything really, you don’t need me for this one.
Where you can watch it: It’s apparently a Roku original, so who the hell knows?
Do I give a shit?: If this is done right, it could actually be a fun parody of all those other music biopics we’ve grown wary of over the last few years. The trailer gave me hope that they took it in that more satirical direction. Worst case scenario, it’s still probably better than Elvis.

I definitely don’t care enough to go buy a Roku for this though. Really, what’s up with that? What am I supposed to do with a Roku original?

39. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (November 11)

Directed by: Ryan Cooler
Famous people involved: Letitia Wright, Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira, Winston Duke, Martin Freeman, Angela Bassett, and Michaela Coel 
One sentence summary: Everyone is sad that Chadwick Boseman is gone, and well, same.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: Ugh, this is hard. I know pretty much everyone in the Black Panther cast is amazing, and certainly Ryan Coogler is a great director but it’s still hard for to get jazzed about a Black Panther movie that’s not going to have Boseman in it. I also haven’t seen a Marvel release since Spider-Man: Far From Home and I’m worried this movie is going to assume otherwise. I’ll wait and see how other people react first and then decide.

40. The Son (November 11*)

Directed by: Florian Zeller
Famous people involved: Hugh Jackman, Anthony Hopkins, Laura Dern, and Vanessa Kirby
One sentence summary: A guy has a tumultuous relationship with his son and blames everyone but himself.
Where you can watch it: Theaters, at least if you live in New York or LA.
Do I give a shit?: It might actually be pretty good, but I almost begrudge it for making me go watch The Father which is likely a fine movie, but is from that blackhole of cinema known as 2020 so I never got around to it.

*Right now, imdb is saying this only comes out in NY and LA on Nov. 11. The rest of the country hopefully gets it eventually, but I can’t make any promises.

41. She Said (November 18)

Directed by: Maria Schrader
Famous people involved: Carey Mulligan, Patricia Clarkson, Zoe Kazan, Samantha Morton, and Andre Braugher (Holt from Brooklyn Nine-Nine)
One sentence summary: Bombshell, but it’s about Harvey Weinstein.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: Harvey Weinstein getting the All the President’s Men treatment is certainly an exciting prospect. I’m not entirely convinced this will rise to those heights, but I’m curious enough to find out.

42. The Inspection (November 18)

Directed by: Elegance Bratton
Famous people involved: Gabrielle Union
One sentence summary: Moonlight, but with the Marines!
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: Has potential, but it’s releasing in what’s usually a fairly competitive time of year. Not sure I’ll make it a priority over the other titles that might be playing.

43. The Menu (November 18)

Directed by: Mark Mylod, a guy who directs a lot of Succession episodes
Famous people involved: Ralph Fiennes, Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicholas Hoult, and John Leguizamo
One sentence summary: A pretentious private dining event turns into some kind of weird looking Hunger Games-esque horror thriller.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: For sure. I love food, and the culinary world should provide an interesting backdrop for a horror. I also love Succession and I’m curious to see what Mylod can do with a feature. Succession is great at weaving suspense and comedy together, so this premise seems like a good fit for him.

44. Devotion (November 23)

Directed by: J.D. Dillard
Famous people involved: Glen Powell, Joe Jonas, Thomas Sadoski, Jonathan Majors, Joseph Cross, and the guy who played Ricky in Secret Life of the American Teenager.
One sentence summary: Top Gun, but during the Korean War, and also starring a black guy which means there’s more racism.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: Not really, but I said that about Top Gun: Maverick which I ended up seeing twice in theaters so what do I know?

45. White Noise (November 25)

Directed by: Noah Baumbach
Famous people involved: Greta Gerwig, Adam Driver, Don Cheadle, Jodie Turner-Smith, and Andre 3000
One sentence summary: Netflix knows people like Stranger Things and thought maybe getting an Oscars-y director to make something like Stranger Things will be a winning strategy?
Where you can watch it: Select theaters, and then it’ll hit Netflix December 30.
Do I give a shit?: Probably won’t care enough to see it in a theater, but will likely give it a go after it hits Netflix.

46. Empire of Light (December 9)

Directed by: Sam Mendes
Famous people involved: Colin Firth and Olivia Colman, plus cinematography by Roger Deakins
One sentence summary: A movie about how great movies are, particularly in an actual theater.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: I think it looks promising. Olivia Colman and Roger Deakins certainly tip the scales in a more optimistic direction. I’d also expect this one to be a pretty big Oscar contender given how big 1917 was and how much the movie industry likes to romanticize the history of the movie industry.

47. Pinocchio (December 9)

Directed by: Guillermo del Toro
Famous people involved: Ewan McGregor, Ron Perlman, Finn Wolfhard, Cate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton, and Christoph Waltz
One sentence summary: I mean it’s still Pinocchio, but not the Disney one.
Where you can watch it: Netflix
Do I give a shit?: Guillermo del Toro’s aesthetic seems like it should naturally lend itself to animation. I’ll probably give it a go, as it is on Netflix.

48. Avatar: The Way of Water (December 16)

Directed by: James Cameron
Famous people involved: Michelle Yeoh, Sam Worthington, Jemaine Clement, Zoe Saldana, Kate Winslet, Sigourney Weaver, and Edie Falco
One sentence summary: More of a screensaver from the Avatar universe than a trailer per se, but let’s be real the visuals are gonna sell this movie far better than any plot line could.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: This is another one that you just kind of have to see if you’re even semi-serious about “keeping up” with movies and the awards scene. I didn’t see the first movie until several years after its theatrical run, and while I thought it was just fine, I’m excited to be on the ride with everyone else this time.

It does look like the first one will get a theatrical re-release on September 23, so I might take advantage of that to prepare.

49. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (December 21)

Directed by: Joel Crawford and Januel Mercado
Famous people involved: Antonio Banderras, Salma Hayek, Olivia Colman, Florence Pugh, and John Mulaney 
One sentence summary: Puss in Boots has to hide from peril in the home of some Crazy Cat Lady™.
Where you can watch it: Theaters
Do I give a shit?: I don’t really see why Puss in Boots was popular enough to get two of his own spinoff movies, including one that’s more than a decade after his first appearance. He’s like the Minions of Dreamworks.

50. Matilda (December 25)

Directed by: Matthew Warchus
Famous people involved: Emma Thompson, LaShanna Lynch, plus the music was written by Tim Minchin
One sentence summary: The Matilda movie you know, but with musical numbers and a potentially a smaller chocolate cake.
Where you can watch it: Netflix
Do I give a shit?: Yeah, I’ll probably watch it. I know the stage version was fairly popular and I was always curious about it. That said, I come from that generation that grew up with the Mara Wilson movie and will never be able to judge this through a purely objective lens.