I Watched 75 Fall Movie Trailers So You Don’t Have To

If you follow a fair amount of movie-related media, you know it’s that time of year when everyone’s publishing those roundup posts of “Most Anticipated Fall 2018 Movies.” After binging these types of roundups for more time than I care to admit, I’ve assembled what I hope is a close-to-comprehensive list of all the narrative, feature-length, English language movies that will be widely theatrically released from now until the end of 2018. There’s also some Netflix stuff mixed in, but I only included what seemed to have awards potential. Let’s go through them together, shall we?

  1. Operation Finale (Out August 29)
    Directed by: Christ Weitz, a dude who helped write Rogue One: A Star Wars Story among other things and directed Twilight: New Moon among fewer things.
    Famous people involved: Oscar Isaac, Ben Kingsley
    One sentence summary: It’s a holocaust movie set after the holocaust so as to make you think it’s not going to be like other holocaust movies.
    Do I give a shit: I actually already saw this one, so I guess I do.

  2. Searching (Out August 31)
    Directed by: Aneesh Chagnaty, a dude who has never made a feature length film before.
    Famous people involved: John Cho, Debra Messing
    One sentence summary: It looks like the trailer for that Unfriended movie that came out a while back, only I actually have hope in this one.
    Do I give a shit:  I’m curious enough to watch it, not curious enough to pay money to watch it.

  3. The Nun (Out September 7)
    Directed by: Corin Hardy, a dude who’s made more music videos than movies, not that that’s necessarily a bad thing.
    Famous people involved: N/A
    One-sentence summary: It’s a horror movie with a nun in it that has something to do with The Conjuring and Annabelle. 
    Do I give a shit: Even if I had seen The Conjuring or Annabelle, I still don’t think I would give a shit about this.  

  4. Peppermint (Out September 7)
    Directed by: Pierre Morel, the dude who directed Taken.
    Famous people involved: Jennifer Garner
    One-sentence summary: It’s a generic action film that believes having a suburban mom as the lead is enough to make it fresh.
    Do I give a shit: I couldn’t even give a shit for the 2 and a half minutes it took to get through the trailer, much less an entire movie.  

  5. The Land Of Steady Habits (Out September 14)
    Directed by: Nicole Holofcener, a lady who has directed some episodes for noteworthy tv shows such as Orange is the New Black, Parks and Recreation, and Sex and the City but has yet to direct an equally noteworthy feature film. She also wrote this as well as another film on this list, Can You Ever Forgive Me?
    Famous people involved: Edie Falco, Connie Britton, some other people you might’ve seen before but don’t know the names of.
    One-sentence summary: A middle aged white man feels sorry for himself while the people he continues to hurt also feel sorry for him.
    Do I give a shit: Since this one’s on Netflix, I’ll probably give it a chance. 

  6. Lizzie (Out September 14)
    Directed by: Craig William Macneill, a dude who has made some stuff you’ve never heard of with intriguing IMDb summaries.
    Famous people involved: Kristen Stewart
    One-sentence summary: Imagine the trailer for that Lizzie Borden Lifetime movie, but imagine it’s actually promising and there’s also some lesbians.
    Do I give a shit: It’s not the top of my overall list, but it doesn’t have a ton of competition from other September 14 releases so I might see it. 

  7. Mandy (Out September 14)
    Directed by: Panos Cosmatos, the dude who made Beyond the Black Rainbow. Yeah, I haven’t heard of it either.
    Famous people involved: Nicolas Cage
    One-sentence summary: If Guillermo del Toro and Quentin Tarantino made an episode of Dateline about human trafficking, I feel like it would look like this trailer.
    Do I give a shit: I actually would probably enjoy this, but not for the reasons Mr. Cosmatos intended. 

  8. The Predator (Out September 14)
    Directed by: Shane Black, the dude who wrote and directed Iron Man 3 and also acted in the first Predator movie.
    Famous people involved: Sterling K. Brown, Keegan-Michael Key, Olivia Munn, Jacob Tremblay
    One-sentence summary: There’s an alien that tries to kill people whilst people try to kill it first. 
    Do I give a shit: It’s probably good for the type of people who are into this, but  monster-in-the-house movies don’t really get me hyped. 

  9. A Simple Favor (Out September 14)
    Directed by: Paul Feig, the dude who made Melissa McCarthy famous among non-Gilmore Girls fans.
    Famous people involved: Anna Kendrick, Blake Lively, and the guy from Crazy Rich Asians
    One-sentence summary: Paul Feig is attempting to make Gone Girl for some reason.
    Do I give a shit: Nope.

  10. Unbroken: Path To Redemption (Out September 14)
    Directed by: Harold Cronk, the dude who directed God’s Not Dead.
    Famous people involved: N/A
    One-sentence summary: A soldier comes home from WWII, falls in love, trains for the Olympics, struggles with PTSD, and finds Jesus. 
    Do I give a shit: No, but if you do I recommend the trailer, since it seems to capture the entire plot arc all by itself.  

  11. White Boy Rick (Out September 14)
    Directed by: Yann Demange, the dude who made that movie about 1971 Ireland that I meant to see but didn’t. 
    Famous people involved: Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Jason Leigh 
    One-sentence summary: A white boy starts selling drugs and surprise surprise, that leads to complications. 
    Do I give a shit: I’m not that excited about it, but if it gets good buzz after it’s released I could still be swayed.

  12. Life Itself (Out September 20)
    Directed by: Dan Fogelman, the dude behind This Is Us, who also wrote Crazy, Stupid, Love and Tangled. 
    Famous people involved: Oscar Isaac, Olivia Wilde, Annette Bening, Mandy Patinkin, Antonio Banderas, Samuel L. Jackson
    One-sentence summary: It’s the kind of sappy, emotional nonsense of This Is Us but with different actors. 
    Do I give a shit: I will see anything Dan Fogelman makes because he is possibly my favorite person currently working in show business, so yes.

  13. Assassination Nation (Out September 21)
    Directed by: Sam Levinson, a dude who made something called Another Happy Day that I guess some people at Sundance enjoyed. 
    Famous people involved: Joel McHale, Bella Thorne
    One-sentence summary: It’s like if Riverdale and The Purge had a baby.
    Do I give a shit: If it shows up on Netflix one day, I will make fun of it with my friends.

  14. Colette (Out September 21)
    Directed by: Wash Westmoreland, the dude who directed Still Alice which won Juliane Moore an Oscar.
    Famous people involved: Keira Knightley
    One-sentence summary: It’s basically the plot of that one South Park episode where Butters pretends he wrote a book he didn’t write, only it’s a Keira Knightley period drama with some lesbian undertones.
    Do I give a shit: It definitely has some potential, but not enough to make it a must-see. 

  15. The House With A Clock In Its Walls (Out September 21)
    Directed by: Eli Roth, a dude who has a ton of credits as a producer, fewer credits as a director, and virtually no credits that would make you say “oh, I know that guy.”
    Famous people involved: Cate Blanchett, Jack Black
    One-sentence summary: This thing couldn’t decide if it wanted to be budget Harry Potter or budget Fantastic Beasts so it just did both.
    Do I give a shit: No. 

  16. I Think We’re Alone Now (Out September 21)
    Directed by: Reed Morano, a lady with an impressive cinematography resume including some work on Beyonce’s Lemonade album. She’s also directed some episodes of The Handmaid’s Tale. 
    Famous people involved: Peter Dinklage, Elle Fanning
    One-sentence summary: Peter Dinklage and Elle Fanning are the last two people on earth.
    Do I give a shit: This is actually a really well done trailer that doesn’t give too much away, and the odd combination of Dinklage and Fanning makes this quite intriguing to me. 

  17. The Sisters Brothers (Out September 21)
    Directed by: Jaques Audiard, a dude who is acclaimed according to the trailer for this movie. 
    Famous people involved: Joaquin Phoenix, John C. Reilly, Jake Gyllenhaal
    One-sentence summary: It’s a western that is debating whether or not it wants to be a parody of a western. 
    Do I give a shit: Nope.  

  18. Hell Fest (Out September 28)
    Directed by: Gregory Plotkin, the dude who directed one of the Paranormal Activity movies and edited Get Out. 
    Famous people involved: N/A
    One-sentence summary: It’s a campy Halloween movie with the aesthetic of a video game cut scene.
    Do I give a shit: I actually think this could be really entertaining if you’re in the mood for this type of thing, but I don’t know if it’s worth the money to see it in theaters.  

  19. Hold The Dark (Out September 28)
    Directed by: Jeremy Saulnier, a dude who directed a couple episodes of True Detective. 
    Famous people involved: Jeffrey Wright
    One-sentence summary: It’s sorta like Taken or True Grit but in the arctic and the dude is hunting wolves instead of people.
    Do I give a shit: No, but it is on Netflix so I might watch it anyway because Netflix has a way of making me click on stuff. 

  20. Monsters And Men (Out September 28)
    Directed by: Reinaldo Marcus Green, another dude who has never directed a feature film.
    Famous people involved: Anthony Ramos from Hamilton and Jasmine Cephas Jones, also from Hamilton.
    One-sentence summary: A guy tapes a police shooting and debates whether or not he should release the tape.
    Do I give a shit: This looks like it attempts to explore all sides of a timely conflict in a nuanced way, and I get excited for that kind of stuff the way some people get excited for Marvel movies. I also like to support Hamilton alums when I can.  

  21. Night School (Out September 28)
    Directed by: Malcolm D. Lee, a dude who’s made a lot of movies similar to this one including Girls’ Trip and Barbershop: The Next Cut. 
    Famous people involved: Kevin Hart, Tiffany Haddish, Rob Riggle, Taran Killam
    One-sentence summary: Kevin Hart plays the same character he always does but in night school.
    Do I give a shit: This may very well be a fun movie, and I might catch it three years from now when it ends up airing on Comedy Central, but I don’t need to spend money on it.   

  22. The Old Man & The Gun (Out September 28)
    Directed by: David Lowery, the dude who directed that Pete’s Dragon remake you forgot about until just now. 
    Famous people involved: Robert Redford, Sissy Spacek, Casey Affleck, Danny Glover
    One-sentence summary: An old white man, who robs banks and gets away with it because he’s an old white man, meets a lady and falls in love.
    Do I give a shit: I actually really wanted to see this until I learned Casey Affleck was in it and now I’m annoyed and probably won’t see it. 

  23. Smallfoot (Out September 28)
    Directed by: Karey Kirkpatrick and Jason Reisig, two dudes who don’t have a ton of directing experience but have worked on some brilliant movies and not some not-as-brilliant movies. Kirkpatrick co-wrote this movie as well as the masterpiece Chicken Run and Reisig was an animator on Shrek and head animator on Trolls. 
    Famous people involved: Zendaya, Channing Tatum, Danny DeVito, Gina Rodriguez, James Corden, Yara Shahidi, Common, LeBron James
    One-sentence summary: A society of yetis banishes one member after he claims to see a human, so he goes on an epic quest to prove humans exist.
    Do I give a shit: I know it’s not Disney or Pixar, but I still think has the potential to be really fantastic. The cast is superb, the premise has some Monsters Inc. vibes without being a straight up copycat, and the filmmakers have both contributed to some of my favorite animated movies ever. 

  24. The Happy Prince (Out October 5)
    Directed by: Rupert Everett, a dude who’s been acting since the ’80s that finally convinced someone to let him be a writer/director.
    Famous people involved: Colin Firth, Rupert Everett
    One-sentence summary: Oscar Wilde cheats on his wife with a man and deals with the consequences.
    Do I give a shit: No.   

  25. Private Life (Out October 5)
    Directed by: Tamara Jenkins, a lady who’s made some other indie dramas.
    Famous people involved: Paul Giamatti, Kathryn Hahn, Molly Shannon
    One-sentence summary: Two 40-somethings struggling with fertility issues welcome their college-aged niece into their home so as to drive the plot forward.
    Do I give a shit: It has potential and as a Netflix movie, I might give it a shot.    

  26. A Star Is Born (Out October 5)
    Directed by: Bradley Cooper, the dude who remarkably took a role in The Hangover and spiraled it into a serious, dramatic acting career in less than five years.
    Famous people involved: Bradley Cooper (as an actor, not just as a director), Lady Gaga, Sam Elliott, Dave Chapelle, Anthony Ramos from Hamilton. 
    One-sentence summary: A musician falls in love with another musician and convinces her to believe in herself, kinda like Camp Rock for grown ups.
    Do I give a shit: I’d be willing to see it if it gets a positive reception upon release, but I fear the plot is overly predictable. 

  27. Venom (Out October 5)
    Directed by: Ruben Fleeischer, the dude who directed Zombieland. 
    Famous people involved: Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams, Woody Harrelson, Jenny Slate
    One-sentence summary: It’s an origin story for some Jekyll-and-Hyde type anti-hero that I guess has something to do with Spider-Man?
    Do I give a shit: Not sure I would see this on my own, but one of my best friends probably will and I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing it if she asks. 

  28. 22 July (Out October 10)
    Directed by: Paul Greengrass, the dude who made the sequels to The Bourne Identity.
    Famous people involved: N/A
    One-sentence summary: It’s about some bombing that happened in Norway and the alleged bomber’s trial.
    Do I give a shit: Nope.

  29. Bad Times at the El Royale (Out October 12)
    Directed by: Drew Goddard, the dude behind Cabin in the Woods who also wrote The Martian and helped create Netflix’s Daredevil. (He’s also the writer here).
    Famous people involved: Chris Hemsworth, Dakota Johnson, Jon Hamm, Nick Offerman, Jeff Bridges
    One-sentence summary: A bunch of people are in a shitty motel and some shit’s gonna hit the fan.
    Do I give a shit: I haven’t actually forced myself to put together a “top 5 most anticipated” but this would be a strong contender if I did, largely because of Goddard’s involvement and the interesting cast.  

  30. Beautiful Boy (Out October 12)
    Directed by: Felix Van Groeningen, a dude you’ve potentially heard of if you’re from Belgium or interested in Belgian cinema. 
    Famous people involved: Steve Carell, Timothie Chalamet
    One-sentence summary: A drug addict and his father struggle to deal with the consequences of addiction.
    Do I give a shit: I’ve heard a lot of great buzz about this one and have yet to see Steve Carell or Timothie Chalamet deliver a bad performance, so this one’s near the top of my list. 

  31. First Man (Out October 12)
    Directed by: Damien Chazelle, the dude who made Whiplash and La La Land. 
    Famous people involved: Ryan Gosling, Claire Foy
    One-sentence summary: It’s the Neil Armstrong biopic that probably should’ve been made by now.
    Do I give a shit: After his first two films, I’ll see anything Chazelle makes. 

  32. Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween (Out October 12)
    Directed by: Ari Sandel, a dude who apparently specializes in movies no one asked for as his prior filmography includes The Duff and When We First Met. 
    Famous people involved: Ken Jeong, Wendi McLendon-Covey
    One-sentence summary: Goosebumps monsters are alive and terrorizing the town and and for some reason children are responsible for fixing it.
    Do I give a shit: I can’t even put how few shits I give into words. And I’m a writer. 

  33. The Oath (Out October 12)
    Directed by: Ike Barinholtz, a dude from MADtv who’s been in a lot of comedies and finally decided to try making his own. 
    Famous people involved: John Cho, Tiffany Haddish
    One-sentence summary: A family talks politics over Thanksgiving and it escalates to absurd levels.
    Do I give a shit: This actually could be fun, but I can wait until it’s streamable. 

  34. Can You Ever Forgive Me? (Out October 19)
    Directed by: Marielle Heller, a lady who’s been in the biz for a few years now but doesn’t really have any standout projects on her resumé.  
    Famous people involved: Melissa McCarthy, Jane Curtin
    One-sentence summary:  A writer forges some letters and it shockingly comes back to bite her in the ass.
    Do I give a shit: We’ll see how bored I am when this movie comes out. 

  35. Halloween (Out October 19)
    Directed by: David Gordon Green, the dude who directed Pineapple Express. 
    Famous people involved: Jamie Lee Curtis, Judy Greer
    One-sentence summary:  I guess it’s like the Force Awakens for the Halloween franchise.
    Do I give a shit: I’ve never seen the original Halloween but I’m sure for people who have this is a big deal.

  36. The Hate U Give (Out October 19)
    Directed by: George Tillman Jr., the dude who directed that Biggie Smalls biopic a while ago and also produced Mudbound and the Barbershop movies.
    Famous people involved: Regina Hall, Common, Issa Rae
    One-sentence summary:  A black teenager watches her friend get shot by a police officer and deals with the Ferguson-esque aftermath.
    Do I give a shit: Yes! Amandla Stenberg is supposed to be REALLY good in it and she’s due for a true breakout role. 

  37. Hunter Killer (Out October 26)
    Directed by: Donovan Marsh, a guy who made some stuff in South Africa but most American audiences probably wouldn’t know him.
    Famous people involved: Gerard Butler, Common, Gary Oldman, Linda Cardellini
    One-sentence summary:  It appears as though one of the rejected Battleship scripts got made into this.
    Do I give a shit: Nope. 

  38. Mid90s (Out October 19)
    Directed by: Jonah Hill, the dude who’s essentially Seth Rogen but with more talent.
    Famous people involved: Lucas Hedges (he’s famous, right?)
    One-sentence summary:  It’s almost like Hill was TRYING to make a movie that would only appeal to men who were in middle school during the mid90s and super into skateboarding.
    Do I give a shit: I’m not opposed to seeing it, but it’s nothing I’ll go out of my way for. 

  39. Serenity (Out October 19)
    Directed by: Steven Knight, a dude who wrote for Peaky Blinders. 
    Famous people involved: Anne Hathaway, Matthew McConaughey, Diane Lane
    One-sentence summary:  This has nothing to do with Firefly so the plot is irrelevant.
    Do I give a shit: No. 

  40. What They Had (Out October 19)
    Directed by: Elizabeth Chomko, a lady who has never made a feature film before.
    Famous people involved: Hilary Swank, Michael Shannon
    One-sentence summary:  An old lady has dementia and her family has to deal with it.
    Do I give a shit: The trailer makes it look good but I have a hunch I’ll forget it by the time it comes out. 

  41. Wildlife (Out October 19)
    Directed by: Paul Dano, a dude you might’ve seen in some movies but he’s never made one.
    Famous people involved: Jake Gyllenhaal, Carey Mulligan
    One-sentence summary:  A couple with trust issues appears to use their adolescent child as a therapist which makes them both pretty shitty people in my mind.
    Do I give a shit: No.

  42. Johnny English Strikes Again (Out October 26)
    Directed by: David Kerr, a dude who’s directed a lot of British television. 
    Famous people involved: Rowan Atkinson, Emma Thompson
    One-sentence summary:  Rowan Atkinson must have run out of money so we got this sequel to a decent-but-forgettable spy spoof.
    Do I give a shit: No.

  43. Bohemian Rhapsody (Out November 2)
    Directed by: Bryan Singer, a dude who directed some of the X-Men movies.
    Famous people involved: Rami Malek, Mike Myers
    One-sentence summary:  The people in Queen figure out how to be Queen.
    Do I give a shit: Hell yeah. 

  44. Boy Erased (Out November 2)
    Directed by: Joel Edgerton, the dude who directed The Gift and also has acted in failed Oscar bait such as Loving and Black Mass. 
    Famous people involved: Lucas Hedges, Russell Crowe, Nicole Kidman, Joel Edgerton, Troye Sivan
    One-sentence summary: A gay teenager’s Christian parents don’t want him to be gay.
    Do I give a shit: If it gets positive reviews I might give it a chance, however I don’t have a lot of hope based on the trailers. 

  45. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (Out November 2)
    Directed by: Lasse Halström, the dude who directed Cider House Rules and What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? along with Joe Johnston, the dude who directed Jumanji and Captain America: The First Avenger.
    Famous people involved: Keira Knightley, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren
    One-sentence summary: They took the premise of The Nutcracker Suite and turned it into something that resembles a Christmas-y A Wrinkle In Time.
    Do I give a shit: This looks like a fun, visually appealing adventure and they did get some legit A-listers to agree to it, so I’m optimistic. 

  46. The Other Side of the Wind (Out November 2)
    Directed by: Orson Welles, the dude who directed Citizen Kane. 
    Famous people involved: N/A.
    One-sentence summary: It’s a movie about the making of another movie…I think.
    Do I give a shit: The trailer is intriguing and it is a Netflix production, so I might see what it’s all about. 

  47. Suspiria (Out November 2)
    Directed by: Luca Guadagnino, the dude who directed Call Me By Your Name.
    Famous people involved: Dakota Johnson, Tilda Swinton, Chloë Grace Moretz
    One-sentence summary: It’s a horror movie about a ballet company that is being released two days AFTER Halloween for some reason.
    Do I give a shit: If you’re going to see a horror movie this fall and you want to pretend you’re more intellectual than the people who see Hell Fest or Halloween, this is the one for you. I personally don’t fall into that group so no. I don’t give a shit. 

  48. The Girl in the Spider’s Web (Out November 9)
    Directed by: Fede Alvarez, the dude who directed Evil Dead and Don’t Breathe.
    Famous people involved: Claire Foy, Stephen Merchant, Lakeith Stanfield
    One-sentence summary: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo finally got a sequel, or a prequel or something.
    Do I give a shit: I never saw The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo but the trailer makes this look pretty dope so I might have to go back and watch it so I can see this. 

  49. The Grinch (Out November 9)
    Directed by: Yarrow Chenney, a dude who co-directed The Secret Life of Pets, teamed up with Scott Mosier, a dude who’s produced some Kevin Smith films and also was an Executive Producer on Good Will Hunting.
    Famous people involved: Benedict Cumberbatch
    One-sentence summary: If you don’t know the plot of The Grinch by now, I can’t help you.
    Do I give a shit: If I lowered my expectations enough I’d probably enjoy this, but there’s going to be so much other stuff in theaters around this time I don’t know if I’ll time for this. 

  50. Overlord (Out November 9)
    Directed by: Julius Avery, a dude who directed something called Son of a Gun in 2014.
    Famous people involved: J.J. Abrams produced it, but the cast is relatively unknown.
    One-sentence summary: It’s some supernatural horror thriller thingy set in World War II.
    Do I give a shit: I’m here for anything that gives me hope that a WWII movie can be fresh and original. 

  51. Peterloo (Out November 9)
    Directed by: Mike Leigh, a dude who’s directed some stuff I’ve heard of but never bothered to see, such as Mr. Turner and Secrets & Lies.
    Famous people involved: N/A
    One-sentence summary: It’s Les Miserables but with English people instead of French people and no musical numbers.
    Do I give a shit: Why would I give a shit about Les Miserables minus the French people and the musical numbers? That’s why I watch Les Miserables

  52. Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (Out November 16)
    Directed by: David Yates, the dude who directed the last four Harry Potter movies as well as the first Fantastic Beasts movie.
    Famous people involved: Eddie Redmayne, Johnny Depp, Jude Law, Ezra Miller
    One-sentence summary: It’s a sequel to Fantastic Beasts And Where to Find Them but also a prequel to the main Harry Potter series.
    Do I give a shit: I kind of want to see this, but Johnny Depp’s involvement is a deal breaker for me. 

  53. Widows (Out November 16)
    Directed by: Steve McQueen, the dude who directed 12 Years A Slave.
    Famous people involved: Viola Davis, Liam Neeson, Michelle Rodriguez, Colin Farrell
    One-sentence summary: When a bunch of criminals die, their widows have to pick up where they left off and plan a heist.
    Do I give a shit: Gillian Flynn wrote this, Steve McQueen is directing this, Viola Davis stars in this. Shut up and take my money now.  

  54. Creed II (Out November 21)
    Directed by: Steven Caple Jr., a dude who is not Ryan Coogler but hopefully that’ll still work out okay.
    Famous people involved: Michael B. Jordan, Sylvester Stallone, Tessa Thompson, Phylicia Rashad
    One-sentence summary: Apollo Creed’s son fights Dragon’s son and also Rocky’s there.
    Do I give a shit: The first Creed was great and Michael B. Jordan is wonderful, so I’ll probably see it, even if the absence of Ryan Coogler gives me reservations.    

  55. The Front Runner (Out November 21)
    Directed by: Jason Reitman, the dude who directed Juno and Thank You For Smoking.
    Famous people involved: Hugh Jackman, Vera Farmiga, J.K. Simmons
    One-sentence summary: It’s basically that part of Hamilton where Daveed Diggs goes “never gonna be president now” except there is no Daveed Diggs or Hamilton and also it’s 1988.
    Do I give a shit: I don’t think it’s totally going to suck but it also doesn’t really stand out from the crowd either so we’ll see come November.  

  56. Green Book (Out November 21)
    Directed by: Peter Farrelly, the dude who directed Dumb and Dumber and some other comedies since.
    Famous people involved: Viggo Mortensen, Mahershala Ali, Linda Cardellini
    One-sentence summary: It’s like backwards Driving Miss Daisy and there’s jazz music involved.
    Do I give a shit: I have high hopes for this largely because Mahershala Ali is in it, but it’s also a movie that addresses racism where the director and all the writers are white, so I still have some reservations. 

  57. Ralph Breaks the Internet (Out November 21)
    Directed by: Phil Johnston, a dude who helped write the first Wreck-It Ralph and Zootopia teamed up with Rich Moore, the dude who directed the first Wreck-It Ralph and Zootopia.
    Famous people involved: John C. Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Gal Gadot, Taraji P. Henson, Ed O’Neill, Jane Lynch, plus a shitton of other famous people who have been in other Disney movies that reprise those roles here.
    One-sentence summary: Ralph and Vanellope from the first movie go on the Internet and help advertise other intellectual property owned by Disney.
    Do I give a shit: I never got around to seeing the original Wreck-It Ralph so I’ll probably see that and then decide if the sequel is worth my money. 

  58. Robin Hood (Out November 21)
    Directed by: Otto Bathurst, a dude who directed an episode of Black Mirror.
    Famous people involved: Taron Edgerton, Jamie Foxx, Jamie Dornan, Tim Minchin
    One-sentence summary: A badass action-y version of Robin Hood that the world didn’t really need.
    Do I give a shit: I’m actually pretty pumped for this one, largely because of Taron Edgerton and how amazing he was in Kingsman: The Secret Service. 

  59. Second Act (Out November 21)
    Directed by: Peter Segal, a dude who directed some of the not-totally-atrocious Adam Sandler movies from the early ’00s.
    Famous people involved: Jennifer Lopez, Leah Remini, Milo Ventimiglia, Vanessa Hudgens
    One-sentence summary: J-Lo gets a job by lying about her qualifications and tries to keep the lie up.
    Do I give a shit: This actually has some potential to be entertaining while providing interesting commentary about educational elitism, but it’s being WAYY too ambitious with a November release date. With everything else that will be in theaters around this time, I doubt I’ll make time for this. 

  60. The Favourite (Out November 23)
    Directed by: Yorgos Lanthimos, the dude who made The Lobster. 
    Famous people involved: Emma Stone, Rachel Weisz
    One-sentence summary: Two ladies fight for another lady’s attention, I think because she’s the queen but I’m not really sure.
    Do I give a shit: The Lobster was a weird ass movie and I’m not sure I’m ready for another movie by this dude quite yet. 

  61. Anna and the Apocalypse (November 30)
    Directed by: John McPhail, a dude who has absolutely nothing on his resumé that looks as interesting as this film.
    Famous people involved: N/A
    One-sentence summary:  It’s a Christmastime Zombie Apocalypse Musical.
    Do I give a shit: If you are incapable of getting excited for a Christmastime Zombie Apocalypse Musical, then may God help your sorrowful broken spirit. 

  62. If Beale Street Could Talk (Out November 30)
    Directed by: Barry Jenkins, the dude who made Moonlight.
    Famous people involved: Regina King
    One-sentence summary: Kinda like Moonlight, it’s another slice-of-life movie focusing on black people.
    Do I give a shit: I’m definitely going to be seeing this because it’s Barry Jenkins, and I’m actually thrilled by how little the trailer reveals about the plot. A ton of awards potential, so if you’re into that sort of thing make sure this is on your list!  

  63. Mary, Queen of Scots (Out December 7)
    Directed by: Josie Rourke, a lady who directed a rendition of Much Ado About Nothing featuring David Tennant and Catherine Tate.
    Famous people involved: Saoirse Ronan, Margot Robbie, David Tennant
    One-sentence summary: The Queen of Scotland and the Queen of England are locked in a power struggle that may or may not be historically accurate.
    Do I give a shit: I will see pretty much anything Saoirse Ronan is in and this is no exception. Plus, Scottish AND English accents!  

  64. Under the Silver Lake (Out December 7)
    Directed by: David Robert Mitchell, the dude who made It Follows.
    Famous people involved: Andrew Garfield, Topher Grace
    One-sentence summary: It’s like that scene from Family Vacation where Clark gets seduced by a stranger suddenly turned into John Green’s Paper Towns. 
    Do I give a shit: Nope.

  65. Mortal Engines (Out December 14)
    Directed by: Christian Rivers, a dude who did special effects for some of The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings movies.
    Famous people involved: Hugo Weaving
    One-sentence summary: One of those YA dystopian thingies that would’ve felt really on-trend five years ago.
    Do I give a shit: No. 

  66. Roma (Out December 14)
    Directed by: Alfonso Cuarón, the dude who directed Gravity and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
    Famous people involved: N/A.
    One-sentence summary: Umm… it’s in black and white?
    Do I give a shit: I’m not sure exactly what to expect from this one, but I will say there’s nothing else coming out this fall that even remotely resembles this, and not just because it’s in black and white. I’m definitely curious and Alfonso Cuarón’s involvement means I’m inclined to see it.  

  67. Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (Out December 14)
    Directed by: Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, and Rodney Rothman, three dudes who have a ton of experience doing different things in movies, but only one has a feature film directing credit. That’s Ramsey, who directed Dreamworks’s Rise of the Guardians. 
    Famous people involved: Hailee Steinfeld, John Mulaney, Mahershala Ali, Lily Tomlin, Nicolas Cage
    One-sentence summary: An animated Spider-Man movie where Peter Parker teaches someone else to be Spider-Man, kinda like a little Spider-people MLM.
    Do I give a shit: I usually am not into superhero movies largely because a lot of them end up feeling very similar to me, so I’m really excited for the prospect of Into the Spiderverse. It looks like an interesting twist on a well-known character, and I’m also excited to see Shameik Moore, star of Dope, as the star here. 

  68. Mary Poppins Returns (Out December 19)
    Directed by: Rob Marshall, the dude who directed Chicago and Into the Woods. 
    Famous people involved: Emily Blunt, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Colin Firth, Meryl Streep, Dick Van Dyke, Angela Lansbury
    One-sentence summary: The title is pretty self-explanatory.
    Do I give a shit: As previously mentioned, if Hamilton alums are involved, I’m there. 

  69. Alita: Battle Angel (Out December 21)
    Directed by: Robert Rodriguez, the dude who directed Spy Kids and Sin City.
    Famous people involved: Michelle Rodriguez, Cristoph Waltz, Mahershala Ali
    One-sentence summary: It’s a live action adaptation of an anime, because apparently Hollywood hasn’t given up on those yet.
    Do I give a shit: Nope, but maybe anime fans would? 

  70. Aquaman (Out December 21)
    Directed by: James Wan, the dude who made Saw and The Conjuring. 
    Famous people involved: Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Nicole Kidman, Willem Dafoe
    One-sentence summary: So it’s a plot vaguely reminiscent of The Lion King, only Simba is Aquaman and he’s been living on the land and has to go fight to reign over his underwater kingdom.
    Do I give a shit: Believe it or not, I am actually excited about this. The trailers make the underwater scenes look pretty cool, plus the fact that no one’s really tried to give Aquaman a proper blockbuster like this gives me hope. 

  71. Bumblebee (Out December 21)
    Directed by: Travis Knight, the dude who directed Kubo and the Two Strings.
    Famous people involved: Hailee Steinfeld, Angela Bassett, Justin Theroux, John Cena
    One-sentence summary: It’s a Transformers movie that MIGHT actually have some character development.
    Do I give a shit: No, but I might change my mind depending on the response this gets when it comes out. 

  72. Holmes and Watson (Out December 21)
    Directed by: Etan Cohen, the dude who directed Get Hard.
    Famous people involved: Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Ralph Fiennes
    One-sentence summary: Literally the exact trailer you would expect upon hearing “Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are doing a Sherlock Holmes movie together.”
    Do I give a shit: It could be funny, but nothing that demands to be seen right away. 

  73. Vice (Out December 25)
    Directed by: Adam McKay, the dude who made some of the better Will Ferrell comedies as well as The Big Short.
    Famous people involved: . Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Amy Adams, Tyler Perry, Sam Rockwell
    One-sentence summary: The squad from The Big Short made a movie about Dick Cheney that’s maybe a parody and maybe just a regular biopic.
    Do I give a shit: At no point in my life have I ever thought “the world of cinema will not be complete until we get a Dick Cheney biopic.” That being said, I thoroughly enjoyed The Big Short, and am curious to see Adam McKay’s take on this. It could go more comedic or more serious or a combination of both. 

  74. Welcome to Marwen (Out December 21)
    Directed by: Robert Zemeckis, the dude who directed Forrest Gump and Cast Away and wrote Back to the Future. 
    Famous people involved: Steve Carell, Leslie Mann, Janelle Monáe, Diane Kruger, Gwendoline Christie
    One-sentence summary: An artist gets beat up by Nazis and can’t do the art anymore, so he creates this world out of dolls that I guess has surprisingly therapeutic properties.
    Do I give a shit: If all of these movies were in theaters right now, this would be one of the first ones I see. It has the potential to be original and heartfelt. 

  75. On the Basis of Sex (Out December 25)
    Directed by: Mimi Leder, the lady who directed Pay It Forward. 
    Famous people involved: Felicity Jones, Armie Hammer, Sam Waterson, Kathy Bates
    One-sentence summary: A young Ruth Bader Ginsberg tries a case having to do with gender-based discrimination, in the hopes that the title of this movie could have better SEO.
    Do I give a shit: This one’s definitely on my list. Girl power ya’all.

     

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s