22 Crazy Things That Probably Won’t Happen On GoT Season 8, But Who Knows?

So over the last few months I have watched the first seven seasons of Game of Thrones for the first time. I knew such an occasion needed to be commemorated with a blog post. But how does one put together a think piece on seven seasons of television that have already generated far too many think pieces? I can’t. Hell, I can’t even remember how to spell half these people’s names. So instead I brainstormed things that COULD happen in Season 8. It was more fun for me to write, and hopefully will be more fun for you to read. Oh, and don’t read it if you’re not caught up because of spoilers and stuff.

  1. No one makes any dwarf jokes about Tyrion.
  2. We learn that the only way to defeat dragons is with rogue unicorns.
  3. Daenerys has to fuck someone who isn’t a 12 out of 10.
  4. Brienne of Tarth doesn’t kill anybody.
  5. Jon Snow hatches new baby dragons.
  6. There is a saturated color palette.
  7. It turns out the Lord of Light has been Bran all along.
  8. Varys takes the iron throne.
  9. Daenerys gets a pixie cut.
  10. Margery returns as part of the fire army.
  11. Arya has to kill a whitewalker version of Jon Snow.
  12. A character named Brittnee is introduced.
  13. There’s a delightful romantic subplot between Sansa and Gendry.
  14. Jorah Mormont actually gets laid.
  15. Robyn Arryn takes the Iron Throne after all the other houses destroy each other.
  16. The remaining Sand Snakes escape from jail and escape to Meereen and have an epic threesome with Daario Naharis.
  17. Arya wears the color pink.
  18. The Jonas Brothers play a random group of soldier musicians in the woods, Ed Sheeran style.
  19. Lady Olenna comes back as a White Walker and murders Cersei
  20. Daenerys has a dragon melt the iron throne, has it remade into jewelry, and tosses it to the people in the style of Mean Girls.
  21. A system of parliamentary government is established.
  22. Jon Snow gets a pixie cut.

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