22 Crazy Things That Probably Won’t Happen On GoT Season 8, But Who Knows?

So over the last few months I have watched the first seven seasons of Game of Thrones for the first time. I knew such an occasion needed to be commemorated with a blog post. But how does one put together a think piece on seven seasons of television that have already generated far too many think pieces? I can’t. Hell, I can’t even remember how to spell half these people’s names. So instead I brainstormed things that COULD happen in Season 8. It was more fun for me to write, and hopefully will be more fun for you to read. Oh, and don’t read it if you’re not caught up because of spoilers and stuff.

  1. No one makes any dwarf jokes about Tyrion.
  2. We learn that the only way to defeat dragons is with rogue unicorns.
  3. Daenerys has to fuck someone who isn’t a 12 out of 10.
  4. Brienne of Tarth doesn’t kill anybody.
  5. Jon Snow hatches new baby dragons.
  6. There is a saturated color palette.
  7. It turns out the Lord of Light has been Bran all along.
  8. Varys takes the iron throne.
  9. Daenerys gets a pixie cut.
  10. Margery returns as part of the fire army.
  11. Arya has to kill a whitewalker version of Jon Snow.
  12. A character named Brittnee is introduced.
  13. There’s a delightful romantic subplot between Sansa and Gendry.
  14. Jorah Mormont actually gets laid.
  15. Robyn Arryn takes the Iron Throne after all the other houses destroy each other. .
  16. The remaining Sand Snakes escape from jail and escape to Meereen and have an epic threesome with Daario Naharis.
  17. Arya wears the color pink.
  18. The Jonas Brothers play a random  group of soldier musicians in the woods, Ed Sheeran style.
  19. Lady Olenna comes back as a White Walker and murders Cersei
  20. Daenerys has a dragon melt the iron throne, has it remade into jewelry, and tosses it to the people in the style of Mean Girls.
  21. A system of parliamentary government is established.
  22. Jon Snow gets a pixie cut.

Writing About Writing: The Well-Informed Mystery Paradox

There’s a great paradox that exists in screenwriting. How do you keep an audience in suspense while also keeping them informed? How do you make sure they understand your story without spoon-feeding it to them in a way that feels patronizing and belittling? How do you make sure they’re in the dark about enough things to keep them guessing while also making sure they care enough to guess?

Your script needs to be mysterious. But your script also needs to be informative. It’s a bit of a pickle, isn’t it?

I do not claim to have mastered this paradox in all my own writing myself, but it is something I’m constantly aware of. I long for my writing to be unpredictable. But I am also constantly asking “ok but what does my audience need to know in order to really get it?” So here’s a few strategies I’ve come up with.

I’ve already said in The Four Things You Need To Know what I consider to be essential for telling a good story:

  • What does my character want?
  • Why does my character want that thing?
  • What is my character’s plan to get this thing?
  • What will happen if this particular plan doesn’t work?

I think it’s INCREDIBLY difficult to write engaging if you are attempting to keep one of these factors a secret. Though it is worth mentioning that not necessarily ALL characters’ motives need to be evident from the get go. In a current piece I’m working on, I have a protagonist with a relatively straightforward mission while the antagonist has goals and plans far more sinister than they first appear. In general, I think it’s pretty much always easier to make the situation mysterious rather than making your main characters mysterious. If your audience knows enough about your protagonist to become invested in them, they’ll care when that character wanders into a mysterious house and we’re unsure

I also think this is another issue where you’re better off picking one extreme and then sticking to it. I’ve enjoyed some movies that falsely lured me into believing I was watching a formulaic, predictable story only to throw in a twist at the very end (Disney’s Frozen is a great example of this).

On the other end of the spectrum, we have one of my favorite films of recent memory, Bad Times at the El Royale. This one avoids giving you any background info until the exact moment that the story requires it to move forward. You watch with this constant feeling that anything can happen at any moment. There’s a confidence in the mysteries being laid out, as if the writer says “I know I’m not explaining much, but trust me. It’ll all be worth it.” Both are totally fine strategies that make for unpredictable movies.

What doesn’t work though are those stories that give you a lot of information, except it’s not all that relevant, or at least not relevant right now. While it’s kinda an apples-to-oranges comparison because this is a series instead of a film, American Horror Story: Murder House has this issue for me. I will grant you that the season is unpredictable, but it also gives you a fair amount of information that either doesn’t really need to be there at all or won’t be relevant for several more episodes. There were enough plot points on the table that I felt like I SHOULD be able to piece them together into a story and got confused and pissed off when I couldn’t. I got even MORE confused and pissed off when I reached the end of the season and realized just how much of it was pointless diversions. All the while the writing failed to give me information it probably SHOULD have given me. I wasn’t emotionally invested in most of the main characters and this was largely because every episode spent a fair amount of time on less relevant characters in an attempt to establish mystery.

Not every script really NEEDS a super dramatic plot twist, but it does need just enough mystery to make us say “hmm, I don’t know what will happen next but I want to.” When writing your script, ask yourself at the end of each scene “have I established a question about what will happen in another scene?” But also make sure you’ve made your characters interesting enough that people care enough to ask.


5 Reasons The Bold Type Is So Freaking Bold

I wrote about Freeform’s The Bold Type in a previous article and used it as launching pad for a broader discussion of social stigma surrounding content made for women. While I’m still proud of that post, upon re-reading it I can’t help but notice that it really doesn’t do justice to the show itself. I also wrote it before Season 2, which means I have even MORE to talk about now.

And so to celebrate the Season 2 finale, I thought it best to write a proper fangirl post of The Bold Type. While it’s very easy to look at the The Bold Type’s marketing and think that it’s just another 20-somethings-in-Manhattan show that the world doesn’t need, I genuinely believe there is no other show like this on television. Here’s why.
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Gosh darnit Riverdale

Yesterday, I finished Season 2 of the CW’s Riverdale. The more I think about it, the more I think that the CW’s Riverdale is the most frustrating television program on the air right now. It might even be in the running for most frustrating television program of all time. Note that I did not say “worse” because that’s not accurate. I said frustrating. That’s because Riverdale is not really a BAD show it just comes so close to being a good show that when it fails, it fails big.

I’ve always found that this is some of the hardest type of tv to watch; not the stuff that is just straight up bad, but the stuff that is just good enough to show you all the potential it failed to reach. Look at these components. Riverdale has all the makings of quality entertainment and then some:

  • Murder
  • Sexual Tension
  • Political corruption
  • Musical numbers
  • A leather-clad biker gang
  • Drug trafficking
  • Cole Sprouse
  • A saucy redhead
  • Vigilante justice
  • Evil nuns
  • More murder

Continue reading “Gosh darnit Riverdale”